I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
