I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
