I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
