I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
