hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
