Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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