id be glad to
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
