I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
