I wish my penis had an off switch
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
