I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
