Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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