angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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