took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
