i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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