I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
