I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
