I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Are my feet made of real feet?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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