My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
