ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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