I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
