Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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