did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
