My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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