He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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