I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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