WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
