I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
