Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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