capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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