I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
