Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
