At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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