he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
