wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
