My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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