My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize