I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
