I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish there were birth control emojis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
