Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
