Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we should paint friendship bongs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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