problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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