Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
