Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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