I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize