I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
too bad you live with your parents still
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize