I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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