oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
