With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
