you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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