To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
