I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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