2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
