I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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