I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
