Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
