You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
