I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
