I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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